So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
