dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
last night I used snow as a chaser
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
