she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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