No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
