thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
