I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
