4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
