how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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