Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
