Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
