can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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