He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
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There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
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You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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