I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
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I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
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Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
All I want is dick and wine.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.