Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
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Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
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Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day