I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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