i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
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She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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