mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down