I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
