just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just invented taco cereal.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Can I color on your dick again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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