Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
