I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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