yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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