omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
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She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
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I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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