Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
