9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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