i don't plan on having that self control this summer
im having a threesome with these popsicles
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
