i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
