i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
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