Don't you send me to vm
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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