Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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