We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
