Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
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