What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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