there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize