forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
