So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
