We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
the liver wants what the liver wants
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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