We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I love you.
Bad choice
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
