Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
