I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
