don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
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