Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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