If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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