I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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