she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
