I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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