I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
