I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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