you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
