i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
