oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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