I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
