You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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