good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
