Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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