Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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