I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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