Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
