Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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