maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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