Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
