The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
