There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
