My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
