can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
