i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
