You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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