We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
