Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
