So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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