My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
