I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You are a genius and a whore.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
