hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize