U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
