Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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