he wants to bone in the snuggie
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
