We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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