just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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