I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
